Failure Again

I failed again. I wonder when will my happy ever after come. Maybe, it will never even come. Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me, brother, you better get used to living your life alone!

It’s painful. It has drained me out in many ways. I guess life has to go on. Again, I am stuck in this dilemma. What should I do from here? I wish I could go to a faraway place and become another person. Change my identity and start from zero.

In many ways, I am beginning to get sick of being myself. Sick of why is it have to be me! Sick of the expectations, sick of the glares, sick of ‘oh, you haven’t gone overseas’ kinda look.

I always wonder why something so simple can go so wrong. Is it so hard to love? Is it so hard for me to be loved for who I am? I do not want to be this self doubting fool. But, in a way, it’s killing me inside!

They say time will heal things. I am walking down this path, not for the first time. And, yes. I do envy people who have great relationships. Maybe, I should seek counselling! Maybe, I should just get away!

What should I do? I feel so alone! Help! Help!

I’m just ranting. I have not blogging much on personal issues because I didn’t want it to be out in the open. I guess I just can’t help it now.

Silly Transfer Season

The new English Premier League season is about a month away but this summer’s transfer dealings has been mind blowing, to say the least. Perhaps, it is Real Madrid who is stealing the show with a spending spree of 200 million Euros has set all tongues wagging in their quest for project ‘Galactico’ Part 2. As of now, they have snapped up Karim Benzema, Raul Albiol, Kaka and Cristiano Ronaldo. It is certainly fantasy football at it’s very best, but beware, Zinedine Zidane, possibly the best player we have seen in the past decade or so, gave credit to Claude Makalele for all the attractive successful football during the period of Perez’s first reign at the club. At the moment, they do not have a ‘Makalele’ type of player. And, with all the expectations bulging with the escalated transfer fees, there will be tonnes of pressure for them to perform, right from the off and it doesn’t help to have the best team in the world playing in the same domestic league as you. One thing’s for sure, nobody would want to miss ‘El Classico’ next season.

Liverpool unveiled their first major signing this season in Glen Johnson. From the first words that has been said so far, he looks a top bloke. Not many players would hide their pride and move to a relatively weaker club in search of first team football. And, it was at Portsmouth that he finally played to his fullest potential. He could have so easily stayed on at Chelsea and lived on his wages, perhaps following the footsteps of a certain Mr. Winston Bogarde. Let’s hope he will provide the injection of pace down the right flank with his swashbuckling and lung bursting runs and if he can cross the ball half decently, he knows he has Senor Torres to tuck it in for him. With the right flank rather settled, I think we need another attacking player, a creative force in the mold of Luis or even Yossi. The wishlist could be endless but judging by the current transfer climate, and the steepness of the transfer fees, it would hard to imagine Liverpool signing Ribery, Silva or even David Villa. Even young English talents like Ashley Young and Gabby Agbonlahor will not come cheap with their clubs probably unwilling to sell. But, I trust that Rafa will make at least one more signing and with most of our first teamers agreeing to new contracts, there should be a level of stability in the squad.

But, our centre midfielders are now highly in demand. It’s a catch 22 situation and I think it really depends on the 2 players. I don’t think we can afford to lose either one of them because 1) they have been brilliant for Liverpool, 2) there are not many world class centre midfielders in the world right now, even with a large bank account and 3) the few world class midfielders eg, Xavi and Iniesta would be almost unattainable. I wish they will stay but there is no point keeping players who are not focussed. It would eventually affect the morale of the squad. Let’s hope there will be an amicable solution with a possible win-win scenario. Perhaps, if Gareth Barry chose Liverpool over Man City, we could afford to lose one of either Xabi or Masch, but his apparent appetite for more cash dimmed his claim of ‘I will only leave Aston Villa for Champions League football’ redundant. Man City, is the English version of Real Madrid. They will spend and reinforce their squad, but the pressure to perform will be immense. And if all their transfer targets come through, I would be looking forward to see how Mark Hughes keep Robinho, Roque, Eto’o and Tevez happy. Remember, he couldn’t even keep Jo, Elano and Robinho in control last season.

And what is a blog post about football without a mention on Liverpool’s rivals. In short, Man Utd has been snubbed by a few players this summer. It could be not true, but I would never have imagine players would have the gall to snub Man Utd for any other team and that includes Real Madrid. To be honest, joining Real Madrid is definitely more of a risk than Man Utd. Yes, it is an interesting project, but sometimes not all that starts well, ends well. Man Utd have lost a big chunk of their goals when they lost Cristiano and Carlos. And if Sir Alex thinks Michael ‘Judas’ Owen or Gabriel Obertan are the solutions, I will be smiling with glee. But, I am sure the wily old fox will have something up  his sleeves. That I am pretty sure. But, with or without Ronaldo and Tevez, Man Utd will still be the favourites to win the domestic title. Let’s hope Liverpool will run them close again.

Chelsea signed Zhirkov. I quite like his style of play when it came to prominence during Euro 2008, playing as left wingback in Hiddink’s formation. I am not sure who else will arrive but at the moment, I think they would need to sort of the JT situation. Chelsea cannot lose John Terry, as Liverpool cannot lose Steven Gerrard. And if they do lose JT, I think they would struggle this season. The Gunners seem to not have the cash to spend. And reports have said that a Fabregas deal can be negotiated at 4o million pounds! For me, that is too low. I think Arsenal would be foolish to let go Fabregas at that price. And, who can they buy to replace? Nobody is available! And with the lightweight midfield they have, how can they cope with the physicality of the EPL?

Whatever happens, it will be an extremely exciting season. And, before the real football action even started, the transfers so far has whetted the appettite. I for one, can’t wait for the season to begin.  How about you?

Ramblings

I do not know what to type nowadays. It’s like I always have something to share or pen out, but when I open up my wordpress page, the words just fail me. I become a novice blogger all of a sudden. Anyway, I will be looking forward to a new chapter of my life soon. Things will be getting interesting and exciting. Of course, the plus point of being much closer to SY. No more weekend flights back to Seremban where I have to bother my parents. Now, I can spend more time back in Sban over the weekends and also plan for the imminent future. After going through a fair share of trials and tribulations in my life, I think I have come to a point of mellow. I am not sure such a term exists but I would say it’s just taking things at it is, and not get so frustrated over things that are beyond our control.

People say money makes more money, but I believe, knowledge makes money, and then money makes more money. It feels good to be learning something new. To test where my limits and boundaries ah. Yeah, and as Kris Allen and Adam Lambert sung, there shall be ‘No Boundaries’

Of scholarships and the Engrish language…

Every year without fail during the months of April and May, many ‘exam oriented’ brilliant students will be complaining about the non-issuance of the highly prestigious JPA scholarship. All 3 of us, me and my 2 siblings included have failed in the quest to obtain this ‘holy grail’ scholarship due to various reasons. My sister managed to get hers on her THIRD appeal but she opted out in the end. I am glad she turned it down as she is finally happy with the course she is pursuing now. Nothing beats pursuing something of interest than for the sake of a few years of scholarship glory.

I personally think that the awardence of this scholarships should be properly defined. The most important thing is to make sure that these scholars come back to serve the country when they have finish their tenure abroad. I know many people who have just stayed on in foreign soil to earn foreign currency and completely forgot about the roots of their scholarship and this happens across all kinds of recipients, rich, poor, tall, short, dark or fair. That is utter misuse of public funds if these scholars are not made to serve the country. Once again, that is just my humble opinion, not wanting to sound like a sour grape former JPA scholar reject.

After 5 years in my humble university (UTM) and another 3 years working in an MNC, I think I have realized something far more essential than obtaining overseas scholarships. There is no pride in obtaining a scholarship and ‘lie’ through the interview if you do not intend to serve. The chase for paper qualifications is not everything. As you can see, our education system is churning our students/graduates who are severely showing a lack of proficiency in thinking skills and the English language. How many graduates can speak decent English nowadays? They cannot even understand jokes on 30 minute sitcoms, let alone a whole comedy movie. I think the mindset has to be different. It does not make you less chinese if you speak good English or can’t write or speak mandarin. It’s just a choice, probably made by our parents when we were younger.

I’ve been trained from young on the importance of grammar. I was laughed at by my father’s friend when I used the wrong sentence structure when I was 6 and that incident still sticks to my head. It brought great embarassment to my father (my father is a teacher, you see?) Hence, I am pretty quick in assessing people’s sentences in their writing and speech. I do not have a degree in English and I would like to reaffirm that my level of English is somewhat a little above average. The disparity in standard is not due to a group of people who are ‘damn’ good compared to mediocre people, but it’s due to a small group of people who are ‘quite good’ compared to the majority of them whom are atrocious. And I mean atrocious with a capital A.

How can somebody spell fringe as fridge and proudly display it up on their messenger? I mean do you need to go to a hair saloon to trim your refrigerator? And, I know people who spell breakfast as breadfirst. If you don’t think this is bad, I rest my case!

Well Beaten but remember Istanbul?

Ok, we were well and truly beaten. I know who is Ana Ivanovic, but Branislav Ivanovic? Yeah, I knew he was the Chelsea reserve right back, but damn, I didn’t know he could head the ball so well. I don’t think it was due to our zonal marking system, it was just our defence had a bad day in terms of set pieces. Even Pepe wasn’t confident in dealing with the crosses. The Brazilian duo of Aurelio and Lucas were atrocious last night. In all fairness, Chelsea would have scored more if Drogba was more clinical in front of goal. We were just outplayed last night. It’s hard to admit that, but that’s the truth. In my opinion, we were paying for our good form recently. We played Chelsea 5 straight seasons in the Champions League, and yesterday was the first time we set out a team to attack first, instead of keeping it tight. It may have cost us, but that was a sign of the team getting better and playing with confidence. But, the end result just wasn’t good for us. We have to take it by the chin. Yes, our hopes of progressing is hanging in the balance but hey, we scored 3 goals in 6 crazy minutes in Istanbul! I will never give up on them! And, if we do manage to overcome the deficit next week, I wouldn’t be all surprised!

YOU’LL NEVER WALK ALONE!!

Criminal Minds and so much more!

I kinda started watching this series called ‘Criminal Minds’ probably 1-2 months back during the weekends. Season 4 was around the house (thanks to my housemate) and since then, I have been intrigued by it. I am starting with Season 3 and I am still itching for it. There is something about understanding people’s behaviour that pulls me to this show. It’s like the analysis that these agents do makes a lot of sense and every crime has it’s reasons. Finding out the reason that drives people to do despicable things intrigues me. Maybe it lies in my nature of trying to read and understand people. It’s technical in the sense that it revolves around humans and it’s alive. And, I mean the cast may not be famous enough, but they fit into this series perfectly. I mean, there is no star or headliner in the series, the whole theme revolves around working as a team, something which I thoroughly enjoy. Hmmn..maybe I should have done some psychology degree or something. Perhaps, even criminology! That sounds really interesting!

P/S : Liverpool won on Saturday, a well deserved win although it came in injury time thanks to Yossi. But, I am gutted that Man Utd snatched their win right at the dead. In simple terms, they did not deserved it! I am sick and tired of the senile old man already. He hides from interviews when his team loses and gives “hourly” long lectures when his team wins! Pure pathetic soul. I wonder whether he would have given the interview if Villa managed to sneak in the win or even the draw. I respect sportsmanship! And, that is severely lacking in the red half of Manchester. And, I am saying this without bias, of course!

Reflections

I’ve been thinking a lot these few days. I miss SY not being around me when I am working in Penang. Yeah, we have our fair share of ‘discussions’ but I adore this girl. She is feisty and personality personified. I think we’ll be having more discussions when she finishes her studies in about 6 weeks time. I am not too sure why I am feeling so mushy suddenly but I guess having her around constantly will certainly make my day. She is normally known to her friends by her english name, but I love her chinese name. I don’t know why, probably that’s how I knew her in the first place. The admiration from afar so many years back. And even until now, I still pinch myself to make sure I am not living in a dream. As I have always been, I am a realist. No fantasies and far fetched expetations. I’ve learnt more than enough in my life thus far to not take anything for granted. I will always appreciate what I have. It’s pure stupidity to always fathom the perfect scenario. The world is never perfect. As I always tell SY, it’s her imperfections that make her perfect in my eyes.

Uncertain and Gloomy Days Ahead?

There will be a cull. And the cull is targetting many innocent prey,  not that they have any choice, so they say! Let’s hope the cull will be quick! No point prolonging the torture and suffering, right? Till then….only hope and prayer shall ease us all.

My Merry Band of Fighters

As Liverpool continue their pursuit of the English Premier League and European Champions League, let’s pay a little tribute to our merry band of fighters so far this season. As I have mentioned many a time, Liverpool may not have a Ronaldo (He is not fit to be a Liverpool player, believe me) or a Messi (I wouldn’t mind this little genius in our team though), but we are a team of fighters. A band of brothers finding for one cause, one destiny. Besides the exhilarating football on show in recent weeks, the other most pleasurable thing to watch about Liverpool is their togetherness, their spirit and their determination to fight for each other. We enjoy the victories but most importantly, lose with dignity. You will never see a current Liverpool player behaving like Wayne Rooney. (With the exception of a certain El-Hadji Diouf whose antics were a disgrace to the team then) Rafa will never condone such actions. It was disgraceful.

As the season is heading for a close in potentially swashbuckling style, let me humbly describe our merry band of fighters. In goal, we have our ever reliable Pepe Reina who is definitely the best ‘assist’ keeper in the world right now. It’s not pure luck (as many commentators always say) that Pepe contributes to the team forward play with quick thinking and vision. The way he launches his kicks shows that he practices them and it’s not a fluke. Liverpool has scored a fair share of goals with Reina at the start of the move. That is no coincidence. We do not have big name fullbacks like a Cole or Bosingwa or Evra. But, as the season matures into it’s final stages, both Dossena and Aurelio has come of age. No matter how Dossena turns out to be in his Anfield career, nobody will take away his goals vs Madrid and Man Utd. When Aurelio signed for Liverpool, he came on a free but with a big reputation. He was a part of Rafa’s Valencia La Liga winning squad with a reputation of a sweet left foot. The combination of poor form and injuries have never really allowed him to settle in Liverpool, but the past few matches, he has started to show his true qualities and that ‘oh so delicious freekick’ past van der Sar, was ‘just oh so brilliant’. Alvaro Arbeloa was Real Madrid ‘B’ or better known as Castilla’s captain. Trashing Madrid 5-0 on aggregate would have been sweet for him but he has been our best fullback this season and with the exciting prospect of Insua coming through, we may not need a big name full back after all, just an honest, hardworking, solid fullback would do.

In the centre of defence, we can proudly say that we have 4 world class centrebacks! Any team in the world would want to have Carragher, Agger and Skrtel fighting for 2 starting spots in the first team. And for good measure, the big Finn Sami Hyypia can come in when there is an injury or a lack of form in the 3 ‘younger’ defenders. Sami has been a great servant to Liverpool FC. He is probably Gerrard Houllier’s best piece of transfer business. A man of class, guile and determination. Besides the local lads, he is truly deserving of a Premier League medal. Carragher will be a legend at Anfield no matter what happens. His commitment and reading of the game is second to none, and both Skrtel and Agger will only benefit from the experience of Carra and Sami.

Our strongest area of the team is without doubt, our centre midfield. Xabi has had a sensational season. His vision and precise passing is sometimes worth the ticket money alone. Even as a neutral, you can drool at the sight of Alonso unlocking defences with a pass of any weight and measure. That is class! And we have our little terrier, the Argentinian captain, Maradona’s only certainty in the national team and that carries plenty of weight. Mascherano epitomizes desire, commitment and selflessness. He does all the dirty work and protects the back four. With a defence and a defensive midfielder of such calibre, it’s not suprising Reina has been Golden Glove winner for the past 3 seasons.

Of course, we have our livewire, our skipper, our messiah, Stevie G. He has turned into a goalscoring machine in recent seasons and all credit to Rafa. He lifts the team and drives the team with sheer desire and passion. One of the few players in the world which could dominate a game by the scruff of its neck. Absolutely brilliant! I am not a big fan of Lucas Leiva, but he will definitely improve by playing together with the holy trinity of Alonso, Mascherano and Gerrard.

Albert Riera has brought us natural width that we lacked on the left in recent seasons with Babel and Benayoun chipping in with goals and assists when needed. Babel needs more consistency while Benayoun will always be a ‘game changing’ player with his style of play. They may not be regulars but they have been fantastic squad players. And how can we forget our workhorse, Dirk Kuyt. Bought as a striker, and transformed in to a ‘right midfielder’, he has been a relevation this season. Not the prettiest to watch, but his commitment and energy seeps through the team and this season, he has popped up with crucial goals.

And upfront, we have the irrepressible Fernando ‘El Nino’ Torres. He is elegance personafied. Describing him as a classy centre forward doesnt do him justice. He is pure skill, strength and grit. And a lovely character to add to it. Having him as a Liverpool player has been such a thrill. Watching him dismantle Vidic was sweet. Talking about the impregnable defence of Man Utd, it was virtually destroyed single handedly by El Nino.

Besides the key men, we have seen El Zhar, N’gog and Spearing coming to the fore a few times this season. Let’s hope that they will grow into first team players in the near future. The season has just getting exciting. Who would have thought Man Utd would have open the door for us? I mean it was the English, European and World champions after all. Who would have thought? Liverpool may not win the title, but imagine if we did? Think about it! It could possibly trigger widespread depression among the Mancunians in Manchester. (and elation for the bluebloods of Man City). And that is certainly a wonderful thought! Bring it on! You’ll Never Walk Alone!

Let’s Turn The Heat On!

It has been a remarkable 10 days or so if you happen to be a Liverpool fan and a disastrous week if you support the red half of Manchester. Liverpool could have gone 10 points behind United but as the it stands now, we are only a mere point behind the Champions. Real Madrid, Man United themselves and Aston Villa probably will have nightmares thinking about how they were outplayed by us in the past 10 days or so. It has been a combination of breathtaking passion, teamwork and drive by the whole team which makes it so beautiful to watch. We are not in the class of Man Utd or Chelsea in terms of star quality, but I definitely vouch that Liverpool has a better team of battlers and characters who compensate their lack of natural ability with passion and commitment. Dirk Kuyt may not be the the most graceful of all footballers, with a dodgy first touch sometimes but you can never fault his endeavor, his passion and his desire to commit himself to the better cause of the team. You will never see a Liverpool player doing a ‘Rooney’. Wazza showed utter disrespect to the game itself when he was sent off against Fulham. What was he thinking? Who does he think he is? Man Utd showed signs of cockiness, thinking that Fulham will just lie down low and get beat like they did during their FA Cup clash. If I were a neutral, I would still be disgusted by his act. But, as a Liverpool fan, it means a suspension which would only serve us well!

The title race is back on! I would assume we have a 4 point disadvantage due to their game in hand but we need to believe. We need to drive on. Even if we lose the war, we would not lose lying down! We would fight till the bitter end! And prove to Man Utd, that Liverpool is back! To further rub it in, being trashed 4-1 at Old Trafford would have severe scars  on their egoes! Logically, it would be unthinkable for Man Utd to lose such a big lead but weirder things have happened ! Walk on! Walk on! With Hope in you heart, and You’ll Never Walk Alone!!!!!!! You’ll Never Walk Alone!!!